This particular piece won me the Satire Award in my Grade 12 English Class. It also marks my first foray into Satire and was basically the beginning of my current writing style.
Previously published on FictionPress.com

Disclaimer: This piece was written a decade ago.

I was headed across the field when something hit me. A football; damn jocks. But seriously, when that pigskin hit my head I was awarded with more than a concussion. I got an idea. A realization that made more and more sense as I lay there on the soggy, trampled grass. George Bush is a genius. Now this sounds funny, ha ha, but as the spinning in my brain went on like a disgruntled top everything made sense. This pompous Texan, leader of a nation was an American genius. Now that’s hard to come by. Not that the US is a nation of stupid people, just that they’re … ignorant of other nations.

Of course, Bush isn’t a genius on the scale of Einstein, but I am sure he could hold his own against an average flag bearing, gun crazy patriot. The Prez has already given the world a story. He’s the ultimate villain in an unpopular and senseless controversy. And this was only his first term! Just think of what he could do if he’s re-elected!

But I digress. Bush’s genius lies in his unpopularity. Most of the world dislikes him, but that isn’t the point. The point is that the world knows enough about him to dislike him. All publicity is good publicity and when you run “God’s country, the Land of the Free” you get publicity. After all, this is the United States of America we’re talking about! They’ve never even lost a war. Discounting, of course, Vietnam, Bay of Pigs and Alamo. And the War of 1812 (O Canada). But those don’t count. The other side cheated.

Yet the USA is feared world wide and hated as vastly. They stand there in their country waving stars and stripes and pounding the pledge of allegiance into their youths’ heads as they hand them a gun and ship them off to war to protect the “interest of other nations”. They’re the world’s selfless heroes. They’re only sin is pride for their country!

And what patriotism! Secretly sewing a maple leaf onto their backpacks as they trek across Europe with their thick Texan drawl. Well, maybe not Texas, they’re fiercely patriotic. Perhaps someone from Washington walking around talking about how much they miss their Igloo, hoping nobody recognizes them and spoils their secret that they are really from the greatest country on earth.

“The Pigman”, a School Assignment

This was written as a writing assignment for my Grade 9 English Class. We had just read “The Pigman” in school (a book by Paul Zindel) and it is based on both the themes in that book and my experiences with my late Aunt who had schizophrenia. 

“Why doesn’t anyone ever believe me?” she yelled as they ‘escorted’ her back to her room. We just stood there and watched What is there to do when someone you care about can’t look after themselves? Mental illness is a really tragic thing. There are ways to take care of it, but you can only help people who are willing to be helped.

It had been almost three years since she stopped taking her medication. It was a shock to everyone as she had been doing so well. When she finally moved back from the U.S. her mind was filled with elaborate conspiracies and stories that she was convinced were true. Everything that was in the news she knew about and was in some way linked to her. She spent close to a year spinning these tales before anyone did anything about it.

The next day we came to visit her again. She was on the fourth floor in the ‘smoking room’. The room was actually a covered patio filled with people in their pajamas and empty soup cans on the benches for ashes. She was giddy because of the drugs that they made her take and cried when we told her that she wasn’t coming home. What could we have done? The last time she was granted leave it was nearly impossible to get her to go back. This was her home for now and there was nothing she could really do about it.

For the third and fourth visits I stayed home. It was frightening at the hospital and sad at the same time. How had my favourite Aunt become someone that I was afraid of? I was still mad at her in many ways, although I hate to admit it. She had ruined my birthday and I know it wasn’t her fault, but she had. After dinner was when we had gotten the call, she yelled into the phone saying that she was being taken from her home. Nothing seemed festive anymore and everyone just sat there and looked at the floor. We all knew that this was what was going to happen, but no one knew the whole impact of it.

They let her out after a little over a week. The following Tuesday she was supposed to go to the hospital for a blood test to make sure she was taking her medication. She never showed. Five days later they took her back to the hospital. While there they pumped her with even more drugs, sedatives and such. She was in for another week before they let her out again. Another promise and appointment followed her release. This time she swore that she would take her medication. Everyone was proud.

She came to visit us on a Saturday to ask for money to buy cigarettes and food, we complied. We asked her how she was doing, she was fine. After a little over ten minutes she began to tell us another story. Another relation about the persecution that she was under and the money the government owed her. My Mom asked her about her medication, her reply was “Poison.” I asked her if she was taking it, she said no. How much longer until she goes back? Next time they said they were going to keep her for a month, then what? You can only help people who are willing to be helped. If not, the only thing you can do is stand by and watch.

The Killer Moth

Welcome to another edition of Throw Back Thursday!
This is a story I wrote 15 years ago, chronicling one of the most terrifying events of my young life.

On the night of August 5th midnight, two girls, Julia and Sam Porter were attacked by a ‘killer moth’. This attack happened in their own bedroom, they claim to be near death of this horrid experience.

At approximately 11:01pm Julia and Sammy heard a noise. A frightening noise. Sammy insisted it was a moth but Julia said it was probably their father, Don, who was making his lunch down stairs. After a minute the noises stopped and both girls rested peacefully for a while.

When out of nowhere the moth flew down, straight into the face of Sam. The frightened girl jumped out of shock! She was stunned. Then…silence. The moth had mysteriously disappeared. After a twenty minute search the girls came to a startling stop. They then came up with the following conclusions:

  • Sam was insane and had imagined this horrifying event
  • She had killed and it was somewhere in her bed
  • She had swallowed it
  • It was lurking somewhere in the room

After they gave up their search, Julia screamed as the giant moth swept from her toy net. The frightened girls screamed in horror, and only stopped after their fellow family members yelled at them to SHUT UP!

It came again, ten minutes later only to leave their room without so much as a chase. While the killer moth was resting sleepily on the bathroom door (which was open a crack) none other than Julia should go bounding in there and crush the moth as she slammed the door. The moth died that night, despite its strong heart.

RIP Killer Moth: July 9th-August 5th 1999
(Three weeks in the Porter House)

Who, What, When, Where, And How?

Welcome to a new addition of Throw Back Thursday featuring another story written by me as a young’n. This one was written several years after “Belle’s Adventures” and “Belle’s Trip to Heaven”.

Before I ever dreamed of the 9th Victim and before I even understood that crime fiction was a real genre there was “Who, What, When, Where, and How?”. “Who, What, When, Where, and How?” was a complete re-writing of my first attempt at writing a mystery novel. It was based on a skit my sister co-wrote and starred in while she was in high school. The original version, written a year or two before this one, was scrapped by me since it was unbearably awful. A later version of the story was adapted into one of my first screenplays and was acted out by my friends and filmed by me (titled: “Happily Ever After”).

Perhaps I will one day share some of the other forms of “Who, What, When, Where, and How?”, perhaps not. For now, dear reader, you will just have to be content with this one.

Disclaimer: The front cover art as well as the drawings in the book are not my original work. They are images I found in an anime internet search when I was younger and were then traced and coloured in by me. I have no idea who the original artist is, and no idea where to even find the images again so I can give proper credit. This disclaimer is intended to absolve me of any copywrite infringement … though I do know that’s not quite how this works. If I ever manage to find the images again I will be sure to credit the artist.

Mystery Novel_Page_1_Image_0001

Continue reading

Story Time with Sarah: Belle’s Trip to Heaven

My second ‘novel’ (and the sequel to “Belle’s Adventures”) “Belle’s Trip to Heaven” was written the summer after I finished Grade 3. It’s considerably more legible than it’s predecessor (typed rather than hand written) and was illustrated with far more care which I believe showcases my growth as a writer/illustrator.

From the back, written in my grade 3 scrawl:

Belle loved earth it was heaven to her. But when she actually got to heaven she wants to get back. Will she be able to before her name gets on the list or will it be to late. You can find out in this !OUTSTANDING book! By Sarah Porter! Other books by Sarah are Belle’s Trip.

 Please enjoy, dear reader.


Book 2_Page_01_Image_0001


Continue reading

Story Time with Sarah: Belle’s Adventure

Welcome to my first “Throwback Thursday Post”!

My first real piece of writing, ‘Belle’s Adventure’, was a story chronicling the (obviously made up) adventures of my family dog, Belle. I wrote it in Grade 3 and was praised by both my teacher and classmates alike (it also marks the only time in school that all of my classmates didn’t think I was a giant weirdo). And while I had been telling stories long before writing this one, ‘Belle’s Adventures’ marked my first real foray into the joys of writing and has been the catalyst for every writing project since. (Except school assignments. I was forced to write those.)

Since it is actually ridiculously long and difficult to translate as my spelling wasn’t all that it could have been I won’t share it completely on this site. Instead, dear reader, I will regale you with a proper telling: A video of me reading “Belle’s Adventure”.

Please note, this video was inspired by “Grown Ups Reading Things They Wrote As Kids”. 

Bele's Adventures - Book 1_Page_01_Image_0001

Story Time With Sarah – “Belle’s Adventures”

Disclaimer: Please excuse the occasional pauses and the odd cuts, I don’t have any editing software and the “trim” effect on the iPhone is annoying as all hell.