To you my love, I send my most beautiful goodbye …
You say I am cruel, I am heartless, to leave you so bitterly and spontaneously – only bitter because you did not see my tears, only spontaneous because you did not see the signs. To leave without a word of goodbye, you say, was to leave whilst tearing out your heart with my cold hand (you always said my hands were cold), ignoring your tears and pleas. You say I never loved you because if I did I would have stayed, to this I say you never loved me because if you did you wouldn’t have asked me to stay.
I love(d) you more than words can begin to describe but you took it for granted and for this, and for my dreams, I left you behind.
I did not say goodbye, but not to be cruel – never to be cruel. I have tried a thousand times over and over again to tell you of my plans. I’ve wanted more than anything to share my dreams with you, to be with you. But every time I’ve opened my mouth to speak I have known it would be the end of us so I smartly shut it or changed the subject. In this, and only this, did I deceive you. If I could’ve taken you with me I would have, if I could have had you, my love, and my dreams I would have, but life would not let me be so selfish.
So instead I left you, without any note or goodbye aside from my keys on the kitchen counter and the apartment emptied of my existence. But I left with the intention of saying goodbye – I left with this note in mind.
I called your house the other day when I knew you would be at work – your schedule has always been so predictable – just to hear your voice again on the answering machine. But she picked up and the sound of her musky voice left me cold inside. It was foolish of me to think you’d cherish me always like you said.
My heart broke anew though it had no right to.
You have her, someone new. And I have my dreams and this beautiful goodbye.